Thursday, July 28, 2005

Three pairs of ambivalent feelings

Absence and Fondness
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but only up to a certain point. Further absence will result in erosion of good feelings - ending up in neutral feelings. The more neutral something is originally, the more likely it will withstand the "test of time" (and the converse is true). There is another kind of absence - known as eternal absence - which is the saddest of all; for you will no longer meet the person whom you miss so much again in your lifetime.

Time and Weariness
Time appears to heals all wounds, but sometimes only 99% of the wounds. It tends to be the case that people get weary of feeling that hurtful feeling. So it is the weariness that heals, rather than time per se. And it is in the very quiet moments of the night, that the lingering hurt of that wound creeps back, reminding you that you are only 99% healed, not 100%. That 1% hurt will always disturb you in the night, like a hairline crack in your bone.

Worry and Helplessness
Why worry when you are helpless? They say Fate will decide. But what if the punishment that Fate is planning for you is something that would be far too much for you to take - emotionally, financially, and in all other ways. How do you prepare yourself for this? You can't. And no one can help you. That is the extreme kind of helplessness, the extremely unfortunate kind of circumstances, that you can only prepare for by worrying excessively in advance.


Blogger Elia Diodati said...

Things work, except sometimes they don't. The answer is yes, except when it's no.

Pardon my cynicism, but I absolutely detest this kind of lazy didacticism. I have hated it since the days I was forced to write GP essays.

Not like you're the only one guilty of it though. Nothing personal.

Fri Jul 29, 12:56:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

No problem, elia diodati. I just don't really know how to express my depressed feelings now. Big problems that are haunting me, which I cannot solve, yet I cannot specify because it relates to personal matters disturbing me. I wasn't really writing an analytical piece (more like a diary entry). Was blogging more for emotional release last night...

Fri Jul 29, 11:12:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Mr Wang Says So said...

You, like the rest of us, are struggling with the state of being human. Namaste.

For your absence & fondness, I offer this.

For your time & weariness, I offer this.

And for your worry and helplessness, I offer this.

So you see - this is where we all are, until samsara falls away, and we pass finally into the Clear Light.

Fri Jul 29, 01:34:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Alson Teo said...

There are so many things I wanted to say to you after reading this post. But unfortunately I am not that good with words. So I will just keep it short.

He/She may no longer be around on this Earth, but will always remain alive in your heart. One of the reasons why I write poetry is because I wanted to leave something for my friends, children, etc. after I die. Years after that I have gone, my great grandchildren will read one of my poems and said, “Hey I didn’t know one of our ancestor was so full of craps.”

Time does not heal all wounds; it merely hides them in your unconscious mind. A particular smell, place, song, etc. will trigger off the pain and memories. The wound will bleed again. Hopefully you would have learnt how to stop the bleeding in the shortest possible time.

Why worry when you are helpless? Why worry indeed. It is normal for us to be worried, even when you are feeling helpless. I believe all living things share such feeling, zebras, spiders, trees, monkeys, etc. Nobody knows what Fate has in store for you, when it comes just face it. Not easy my friend, not east at all. But do we have a better option?

I know you will soon feel better. Hey you are the invincible heavenly sword right? :)

Fri Jul 29, 01:45:00 PM 2005  
Blogger BL said...

Heavenly Sword,

What does not kill you makes you stronger

I am not sure what problems that you are experiencing. I am sure that some doors might be closed for you, but always remember that there are other doors open for you.

Take care & best regards.

Fri Jul 29, 06:13:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Dear Mr Wang, Dead Poet, and BL, I am really touched by your kind words of encouragement.

Mr Wang: Thanks for the lovely poems. I particularly like the one on time and weariness. There are a lot of good poems on the site that you've referred me to.

Dead Poet: "Nobody knows what Fate has in store for you, when it comes just face it." I am not sure if I can face it; I hope things will not be as bad as I fear.

BL: Thanks for dropping by. I certainly hope for the best now...It is that uncertainty that is overwhelming me.

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your concern.

Fri Jul 29, 08:25:00 PM 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Btw, in case you haven't figured it out, Mr Wang is the poet.

Sun Jul 31, 04:39:00 PM 2005  
Blogger A.Ball.of.Yarn said...

Dear Heavenly Sword, still feeling a little under the weather?

You can go browse the bookstores and pick up a book titled "The Consolations of Philosophy" by Alain De Botton. I think you'll like it very much.

Mon Aug 01, 09:28:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Dear Ball.of.Yarn, thanks. I have the book, but haven't started reading it...

Everything feels so surreal. I can't believe such a disaster had occurred.

Tue Aug 02, 07:19:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Dorothy said...

Why the melancholy? Why spent a day sad when you can CHOOSE to be happy? :) I'm sorry if I have failed to understand the cause of your depression - but that is not really my job. My job is to get you out of it! At any one point in time, there are many more things to be joyous about than there is to be sad. Perk up! Depression is unbecoming of one of the most brilliant bloggers I know! *grin* Anyway, 'Consolation of Philosophy' sounds delicious. Yum.

Tue Aug 02, 07:09:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Hi Dorothy, I will strive to be happy...

Thu Aug 11, 01:36:00 PM 2005  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Wed Mar 07, 09:29:00 AM 2007  

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