Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The State of the Blogger

Hello everyone, a few months have passed very quickly. How am I now? Below is a status report:

Career: 4 out of 10 (it's improving, I hope...)
Finances: 1 out of 10
Health: 5 out of 10 (I thought it was 8 out of 10, until my X-ray showed some weird results that doesn't tally with how I actually feel! I feel quite alright!)
Morale: High (but not very high)
Emotional state: Happy (but not very happy)
Kungfu level: Reaching the peak soon.... :) (don't come near me!)

Blogging should be carefree & relaxing...

Singapore is the place for a very peculiar kind of blogger. It is my home, where I feel quite natural to be paranoid...When I think about things to blog about, I will always hear whisperings that tell me: 'eh hey, but you can't write that...!' Why is that so? Examples...

1) I want to blog about my personal life....but I can't....I'll leave too many clues about who I am! And who am I anyway? I'm not a big shot at all. Yet, in feeling that the world might want to nail me down, I acquire an arbitrary feeling that I am actually one! Not bad!*

2) I want to blog about my work (not the work that I currently do for my employer - which is a good employer - but the work I did for some other organizations)....but I can't....Why write things that people might one day use against me despite my intentions? People can twist my words after all, if they know the art of 'words-twisting'. What if someone wants to sabotage me...I have been a nice guy all my life, but you'd never know....Nowadays, who will think twice about destroying another man's rice bowl and bringing suffering to his family if they have the power to? Is there still kindness in this world? I do know that one or two people hate me like crazy. I think they're crazy, but well, they do have a right to be crazy...! It's their choice.

3 I want to blog about how I feel towards important people in my life.....such ex, who is in every way a perfect gal. But I can't, because it will let people know that I have made mistakes before in my life....and this is related to the next point.

4) I want to blog about my thoughts, which often involve a profound sense of ambivalence, scepticism, regret, and melancholy. But you can't let people know that you're not a perfect person. In Singapore, it's very unacceptable to be an imperfect person. I know this because I'm still not happy after spending all my life trying to perfect myself: went to top secondary school and JC, did all the 'right' things like learning piano and passed Grade 8, won sports medals for the JC, and even got some award during army days, then went to a global top 30 university somewhere overseas and topped the uni, went for masters and got distinction, but so what? Look at the state of my finances: 1 upon 10!

5) So what do I blog about? Society? Politics? I will then think: why blog about these when I'm so much of an imperfect speck of a great nation? As Confucius said, one should follow the sequence of first cultivating oneself, then get your family/household in order, before thinking about greater things. Thus I should continue to perfect myself, perfect myself to the point where my CV can just burst into flames on its own due to its unbelievable excellence. (Is that really possible? Obviously not, silly me. But Machiavelli has once told me that one should do as prudent archers do when the goal they intend to hit is too distant; knowing how far the strength of their bow would carry their arrows, they aim for the further goal, so that the trajectory itself will help them to attain the original goal.) Years 27 to 30 of my life have not been shining years of my life, despite the groundwork I've tried to lay for myself in years 1 to 25. And because of that, I have suffered greatly at the hands of sarcastic people. Let it sink in me now - the fact that stumbling and fumbling are not acceptable in this great nation. You can stumble and fumble, but you must rise again quickly.

With that, I return to the practice of my consummate skill, to my well-renovated cave which I have painstakingly paid for with my CPF. Hope to be back again the mean time, take care, everyone :)

*By the way, friends who know me, don't give away my identity lah! I like privacy too, u know :)


Blogger Huichieh said...

Hope all is well...

Thu Nov 24, 12:39:00 AM 2005  
Blogger doubleyellow said...

hey dude, take care! Singapore's version of a perfect man may not necessarily be perfect at all.

Thu Nov 24, 12:38:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Greetings, Huichieh and DoubleYellow! Long time no see! :)

Everything's fine...I have not become 走火入魔 yet from my practice, so that's a good sign. It is always good to be alive.

And recently I have discovered the joys and benefits of 'vampirehood', after watching the superb Hong Kong television series 我和僵尸有个约会 (My Date with the Vampire III). I highly recommend the VCD!

Thu Nov 24, 07:28:00 PM 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you've had a very smooth-sailing and successful life by any standard, no?

Fri Nov 25, 01:55:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Hi Anonymous, thanks, but there are things people viewing from outside do not see...Maybe I'll just say that:

- family relationships can turn bad; really bad

- you'd never know who your true friends are until you actually ask for help (people always won't mind being friends with you when you are doing okay)

- some relatives are good; others comments

- everything often boils down to money

Fri Nov 25, 09:20:00 AM 2005  
Blogger A.Ball.of.Yarn said...

hey i love that show!

it's on the extreme end of make-believe i know, but she has really, really great legs.;)

Fri Nov 25, 03:26:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Hi ball.of.yarn, or is it a.ball.of.yarn! How come you changed your name? Good to see you again. :)

That show's music is really nice. And I learnt a lot of useful phrases from that show, like 相信就行,不相信就不行 (ie. 'if you believe you can, you can; if you don't believe, then you can't') - it's so true!

Fri Nov 25, 06:20:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Xin said...

but "if u believe u can, u can" is also a much used phrase in "yummy yummy" heh...

"today's better than yesterday, tomorrow's better than today"...tomorrow's a better day! :)

Sat Nov 26, 09:13:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Kace said...

Perfection is overrated and really boring. If you're perfect, you'll have nothing to blog about. Stick to imperfection. It's more interesting. Nice to see you're updating!

Sun Nov 27, 11:36:00 AM 2005  
Anonymous Janice said...

Hey sir, hope all's well for you!You have been an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many others, despite the imperfections that you think you have!Take care, and hope to hear from you soon :)

Sun Nov 27, 10:40:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Gilbert Koh said...

Nice to see you back!

Mon Nov 28, 11:05:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Warmest greetings, everyone! Thanks for your 'welcome back' messages! :)

I feel less lonely when I'm connected to Singapore blogosphere. Life in the cave is terrible... :)

Tue Nov 29, 12:16:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Alson Teo said...

Welcome back dude! Well if you have someone as chio as Ma Xiao Ling to accompany in the cave, life may not be that terrible you know.

By the way do take care of your health my friend since you scored 5 out of 10. Hmm… I wonder what’s my score, been feeling quite “weak” lately. :(

Tue Nov 29, 01:38:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Hi Alson (Dead Poet?) :)

You're right! :)

I'm better after seeing the Chinese physician...thanks! For some ailments, it might be better to see a Chinese physician...I do recommend it.

Tue Nov 29, 06:25:00 PM 2005  
Blogger BL said...

Nice to see u back in action.
Welcome back. :)

Wed Nov 30, 12:54:00 PM 2005  
Blogger Alson Teo said...

Dead Poet? Who? Me? Heheh.

Wed Nov 30, 02:46:00 PM 2005  
Blogger BL said...

Good to see you back.
Hope that all are well.

Wed Nov 30, 11:10:00 PM 2005  
Anonymous ah huat said...

"- family relationships can turn bad; really bad"

Any relationship can turn bad. Depends on whether you think it is worth your while salvaging.

"- you'd never know who your true friends are until you actually ask for help (people always won't mind being friends with you when you are doing okay)"

Look at it this way: this is a good opportunity for you to do some spring-cleaning and categorizing. Since you get to see their true selves, you know whom you can trust in the future. Better to know it earlier than later.

I've always believed that there is a place in life for every kind of relationship. Treat your fair-weathered friends as just that; enjoy their company, laugh and make merry with them when life is good. But don't go to them when the going gets tough. You'll only end up feeling disappointed.

Conversely, the ones who will stand by you through thick and thin might be the most boring and uninteresting people in the world. You might even hate some of the things they do. But you know without a doubt that you can turn to them when the need arises.

"- some relatives are good; others comments"

Again, treat them as you would fair-weathered friends and battle-proven friends.

"- everything often boils down to money "

That is a very cynical way to look at it. I have met some really extraordinary people (strangers even) who were willing to help without asking for anything in return.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. My son thinks that I am perfect; he comes to me to have his toys fixed, his questions answered and pains relieved. That is the only measure of perfection that I need to live up to in the end.

Thu Dec 01, 04:56:00 AM 2005  
Blogger Heavenly Sword said...

Hi BL, thanks :) Things are well...August not so well (unfortunate event happened), Sept okay, October fell sick for one month (doctor wasn't able to treat me, but Chinese physician could), November okay...and everything back to normal now....

Hi Huat, that's a wisdom-filled post! Now I realize why I am not only not gifted, but also not wise...Sigh...!

Fri Dec 02, 08:53:00 AM 2005  
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Tue Jan 01, 01:24:00 PM 2013  

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